We all know that we have a circle of life.
We are born.
We grow from babies into children.
Children grow into teenagers.
Teenagers grow into adults.
We live life, we love, we hate, we laugh, we cry, we celebrate life, we grieve.
We all know that life has to come to an end. But this does not make it any easier when it is time to say goodbye.
This is the stage that I am at now.
Am I ready and strong enough to say goodbye?
To be honest I do not think that I will ever be ready to say goodbye. I do not want to say goodbye ever, but I know it has to be said at some point.
Am I strong enough?
Probably not if I am being truthful, but I know that my family and my husband will support me and help me through the difficult days that we are all living at the moment.
I do find it hard to vocalise my feelings. This blog has become a bit like a counsellor to me. I am getting all of these thoughts out of my head.
As I am writing this the tears are flowing and I cannot believe that this is happening.
We were devastated when we thought we only had months left.
That was only 8 days ago!
How has this all happened so fast?
I just cannot even begin to understand it all.
In a way I feel that I am already grieving for my grandad. He is still here, but at the same time he is not.
Today is going to be the hardest visit that I will make. This may be the last time that I see him. The last time I hold his hand, the last time I kiss him goodbye. Just thinking about this breaks my heart. I cannot imagine not having him my life, he has always been there and has always been a big part of my life.
I need to stay strong for my children. Joseph has already picked up on things and I have had to tell him that his gramps is very poorly. I have had to prepare him for what will be happening and I dread breaking that news to him when it happens.
It is my children and hubby that are keeping me afloat and I need to stay as strong as I can for them. I am taking each day as it comes and I am coming to the realisation that things are going to get worse before they get better.
But I am preparing myself for a difficult visit and I will say my goodbyes just in case I don't get another chance.
This is the circle of life.
This is how it is.
It is still one of the hardest things that we have ever have to do.
Saying that one word.
Wednesday, 28 August 2013
Circle of Life