In the past I have written a lot about wanting to loose weight, I have been on numerous "weight loss journeys" and thought that being a small size was important.
This post is different.
This post is about finally having acceptance.
Acceptance that there is no "perfect" size, acceptance that you can never please, nor should you have to please everyone, acceptance that as long as I am happy, my husband loves me and our children are happy, size really has no significance.
This year I turn 40. The big 4 0 or as I like to say that fantastic 4 0! I am finally in a place where I am looking forward to embracing my 40's. I went into my 30's constantly seeking to please others and was way too concerned of what people thought of me. Not what they thought of me as a person, but what they thought of how I looked. Over the years, other peoples perception and the medias interpretation of the perfect body led me to bouts of anorexia and bulimia. I am not proud of this but I am not ashamed to discuss it. Eight years ago my life changed. Eight years ago I met the love of my life who 10 months later became my beloved husband. I am going into my 40's with him by my side, showing me a love like I have never known before, with our happy, healthy children and that makes me the happiest I have ever been.
He has always shown me unconditional love. He loves me for the person that I am, regardless of whether I am a size 12 or a size 18. He has given me so much confidence and it is thanks to him and his love that I am finally in the place that I am.
I am saying goodbye to fad diets, goodbye to calorie counting and hello to life. Of course I am going to eat healthily, I am just not going to constantly count calories or syns. Life is much to short to be stressing about whether you have put on or lost a pound in weight, it is too short to be beating yourself up because you had a slice of cake. I love food, I love drink, having good food and drink makes me happy and if it means that I am a bigger size, then so be it. I do love having curves, and I know that my husband loves me having curves and I think that now it is time to start embracing them. It is time to start loving my body. My body changed dramatically after having the twins but they are not changes that I should feel ashamed of, they are changes I should be proud of. Proud because my body carried 2 babies at the same time, carried 2 placentas and grew, protected and nurtured them both until they were ready to arrive. Little I weighed 5lbs 13oz and Little T weighed 6lbs 0.5oz, they were both good weights and my body paid the price. Now I look at the twins who are now 6 years old and I am still amazed by them and amazed by what my body did. Now it is time to celebrate my body and what it has done!
Having Little I has also made me even more aware of how I portray body image. The last thing I want is for her to grow up thinking that it is the norm to go to a slimming club, checking calories or saying "I can't eat that, it'll make me fat!". I want her to grow up loving her body, I want all of my children to grow up with the knowledge that healthy eating is good for you but I also want them to be able to enjoy treats without feeling any guilt. I want her to look in magazines and see realistic images of women, I want her to see women of all sizes on television, I pray that she grows up in a world where your size does not determine the person that you are.
My favourite image in the media from the last week was the picture above. This was a protest that was held by some stunning models and Simply Be. As long as the fashion industry use stick thin models there is always going to be that association of only thin is beautiful. The average size of UK women is a size 16 not a size 8!
I know that changes will not happen quickly with regards to the media but I know that we can make changes at home. I can show Little I that she should always feel confident in her body and the only way to do that is by leading by example. They also love me regardless of my size, I am mummy. Therefore I should also love myself.
I am taking the first steps. It will take time to rediscover myself but I have started. I will be confident, I will embrace my body and I will be fabulous at 40!
Thank you for taking the time to read this post, believe me it really has come straight from my heart x