Monday, 29 July 2013

Not The Best Outcome

Well today was the dreaded D-day. The day we would find out whether the cancer had slowed down or not.
Unfortunately we got the heartbreaking news that it has not slowed down. So now we really do need to face the harsh reality that this is something that will not go away. It is here to stay and it will inevitably leave us devastated.
As I have said before I cannot imagine life without my grandad in it and nor do I want to but I know, that one day, I will have to face that outcome but until it happens I really do not need to deal with that. Call it denial, call it what you will, its my defence mechanism coming into play and that's how I will cope until then.
But I have made a promise to myself to go over more often, even if it is hard work for me on my own with the children, the hard work will be worth it because I know, deep down, that if I do not make more of an effort now, one day I will regret not doing more. They have always been there for me. During the good times and during the bad times that I've been through they were always there for me. They never lost faith in me and I am proud to say that I didn't let them down.
Since being very young I can remember them having a huge impact on my life. This is why I am finding this all so hard to digest, he has always been there, I want the twins to know their Gramps as Joseph does and enjoy having him in their lives as I did when I was a child.
The only way forward, for me, is to go on as normal, well as normal as possible, and just be there whenever they need someone.
I pray that the new medication slows it down so that we can have some more time to create more memories.

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