Sunday, 28 July 2013

Hope and Dread

Yesterday (Saturday) we had a lovely but emotional day. We spent the day with 2 very special people that we just do not see enough of.
We went to see my grandparents. Unfortunately my grandparents don't live close by. They live in a remote village which is a good 20 minutes drive along country roads so we don't see them as often as we should. They are both in their late 80's and do well to say they are not in the greatest health.
I have always been particularly close to my nanna and grandad and I have so many happy childhood memories of summer holidays spent with them. I remember the excitement of going and spending a week or two with them on my own. I was well and truly spoilt and am so thankful for these memories. They have always been a huge part of my life.
Over the past years my nannas health has deteriorated and my grandad has become her carer. However during the last 2 years we have also notice a change in my grandad. At my wedding he collapsed and spent the night in hospital. This has happened before but I feel that this time everyone's alarm bells started to ring. My grandad is one of the most selfless people I know. He puts my nanna before everything, including his own health. As he is her carer he is extremely aware of how she would cope if he were not well or if he gave in and admitted he was not well.
Last year, just weeks after the twins were born, our worries became a reality and he was diagnosed with prostate cancer.
It was the dreaded "C" word!
After various tests were done and biopsies we were given very unfairly misleading results. In the section of prostate that was taken out there was no trace of cancer! The doctors could not believe it either. These results gave us false hope that there had been a mistake. At a later appointment we were told that the cancer was still there and that it may have even spread. So you can image the roller coaster of emotions, going from delight and relief to upset, worry and dread.
Since then we have all noticed a huge change in my grandad. He was given hormonal tablets which were working and his psa levels (blood levels) had gone back down to an acceptable level. But at his last appointment we were told that these levels had gone back up again, so his medication was increased. Tomorrow he has another appointment. Tomorrow we will be told whether increasing his medication has worked. If it hasn't we will be told what happens next. But the only next medical step would be to go for chemotherapy. But we all need to be realistic, my grandad is in his late 80's, is this something that he could handle? If I am completely honest, I don't think he could.
So what next?
That really is the big question. I know that I cannot imagine life without my grandparents.
Yesterday they both loved seeing all of us but particularly loved seeing the children. I am going to make more of an effort to go over during the school summer holidays. I just wish that they lived closer so that I could do more to help but they didn't make the move when they had the chance and now is just too late.
So it is D-day tomorrow, just thinking about what might be said gets my stomach tied in knots, but I know we need to be strong for both my nanna and grandad. I am certain that whatever the outcome is, we will, together as a family face it and give each other the strength that may be needed and the children in the family will give us reasons to be strong.


Thank you for your comments I do love to hear what you think and try to reply to as many as I can x