As Christmas gets closer both my excitement and sadness builds up.
Obviously I cannot wait to see the delight and surprise on the children's face when they see that is waiting for them on Christmas morning.
I am really excited about Christmas dinner as this will the first Christmas dinner that I have cooked.
I am excited as this will be our first Christmas day at home. Normally we go to either my parents or my hubby's.
I am excited about spending lots of quality time together as a family.
My sadness is building for the person that will be missing this year.
The name that will be missing on Christmas cards.
The Christmas hug that I will not get.
I am missing my grandad.
Earlier in the year we were planning to make this Christmas an extra special Christmas.
Earlier in the year we thought that we would get a final Christmas together as a family. This is a special time that we were hanging onto.
This was cruelly stolen from us.
Grandad went to sleep before we got chance to have this time.
This year it breaks my heart to think that he will not be with us and that I will be going to the crematorium instead of having a final Christmas dinner together.
I am getting stronger and I am handling my grief well. I am just not looking forward to seeing an empty place where my grandad would have been at Christmas.
I was looking at encouraging quotes for today's Wednesday Words when I found this quote from Grey's Anatomy and I thought it was a perfect way to describe grief and loosing someone.
"The very worst part of grief is that you can't control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can."
Wednesday Words are hosted by Emma at Crazy With Twins. Check out Emma's heart felt poem Geiger Counter. I wish Emma all the best with her pending results and I pray she gets the best Christmas present ever.